I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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