I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
