drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
