I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
