oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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