You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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