What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
