she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize