I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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