Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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