she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
birth control should be required to get into college
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
