LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Never underestimate the power of titties
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