In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
