so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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