I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
