the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
