Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
