You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
