ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
