I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
