no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
