He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
