Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
