we're blogging at a bar
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
