Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
