I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
