It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
