How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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