Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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