one two three fourrrrnication!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
