So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
