So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
