I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
