So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize