Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
