i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
