You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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