somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he shaved USA in his pubs
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
