We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
