apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
