and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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