all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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