Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's rum buckets o'clock
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
