sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
