Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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