He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
