Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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