Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This is my gift to your gina
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize