we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
