I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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