It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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