i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
