I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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