giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
