I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
