just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
