he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
