I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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