is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
