honey bunches of taint.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
