i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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