you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
