GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
