I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
