Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize