So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
